Healthy Boundaries: What are they and how to use them
Updated: Jan 12, 2022
What are they ?
How do they work ?
Why even use them ?
I never used to even know what a healthy boundary was, I honestly thought it was a ‘made up thing’
When I got chronically ill I was basically forced to say no to people (rare for me at that time) and put healthy boundaries in place
Because my self-worth was so low it was absolutely TERRIFYING! I was honestly paralysed with fear putting healthy boundaries in place around my health and other areas with those I love
WHY is it so tricky for some of us ? Firstly, many of us were never taught how to do this and secondly, it scares us because it can trigger in-securities in those around us.
For example, If a friend puts healthy boundaries in place around their alcohol consumption, this can often trigger in-securities in the other friends around their own alcohol consumption and some hurtful things can take place
Ever been bullied or attacked by others for doing something good for your own health and having healthy boundaries around it ? WHY would anyone attack anyone who is taking health conscious action steps ? It is often only because the person attacking isn't addressing their own areas of health and is in-secure about it but also completely ignoring their own issues
Healthy Boundaries work by us getting VERY CLEAR on EXACTLY what we VALUE and EXACTLY what we NEED to progress forward at the moment.
It could be REST >?
It could be help or support of some kind ?
It could be drawing a FIRM line between what is acceptable and not acceptable in your own home or work environment ?
Start by looking at what you NEED right now in order to progress forward in a healthy way
I recently cancelled last minute on 2 friends on New Years Even because my body was giving me messages to take space and rest. Luckily – these 2 friends are very aware and offered complete love, kindness, respect and support in response to my healthy boundaries for my own health and well-being
WHY use healthy boundaries ?
It nourishes us! Simply as that! We generate feelings of heaviness, hopelessness, and powerlessness when we people-please and give our power away, so putting them in place helps us heal, thrive and carry less resentful energies around
Would you not have a fence around your yard and let all the drunk teenagers use it as they please in the middle of the night ? No
Would you show everyone you know all the messages in your phone ? No
Would you leave your home and car unlocked so anyone could enter and use and take whatever they please ?No
These are all boundaries put in place for a GOOD purpose. A purpose that serves and supports us and those around us so we can all thrive and progress forward
If I didn’t put healthy boundaries in with my son and my partner so I got space and rest I would be a very cranky, angry, sick mother and de-facto!! Not fun for anyone hey
If you start putting healthy boundaries in place and it triggers those around you, this is an opportunity for healing within both yourself and within them. Make space to process the trigger and stay consistent to your boundary and your genuine intention that is underneath it
For example, I have boundaries around the types of environments I allow my child to be in and the types of people I allow him to be around (family or otherwise). I have these boundaries in place because as his mother I love and care for him more than any other human on this planet and I feel it is 100% my responsibility to make sure he is nourished in ways that align with my values.
When we fail to put our healthy boundaries in place we also tend to build A LOT of resentment and anger towards those we love sub-consciously. This is toxic and damaging to say the least.
So, time to get clear!!! Where do you want to progress forward and how ?
What do you currently need in order to do so ?
Who do you need to communicate with, in loving and respectful ways, about your new healthy boundaries ?
Let me know how you go! You got this !!! x